Big Feelings: Riding the Emotional Waves
Riding the Emotional Waves: Gentle Tips for You (and Your Kids)
Emotions aren’t the enemy. They are signals. Frustration, sadness, or anxiety often tell us something matters—whether it’s about the present moment, a past experience, or a need that hasn’t been fully met. Sometimes, strong reactions carry echoes from old wounds, unmet needs, or past hurts. Recognizing this helps shift from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What is this emotion asking for?”
Why It Matters
James Gross (Stanford University) reminds us we can regulate emotions by shifting focus, rethinking situations, or choosing how we respond.
Kevin Ochsner (Columbia University) shows that gently reframing a situation—asking “Can I see this differently?”—helps the brain respond with flexibility.
Marian Bakermans‑Kranenburg emphasizes that children rely on co-regulation: when adults stay calm and guide kids through feelings, they gradually learn to manage emotions themselves.
Emotions often point to needs or boundaries—anger may indicate a line was crossed, sadness a need for comfort, anxiety a desire for safety. They can also be tied to past experiences or unmet needs, signaling something inside us that deserves attention. Responding with awareness and compassion helps us regulate effectively without ignoring or suppressing these messages.
Gentle Practices for Adults and Kids
Pause and notice. Name your feelings: “I’m frustrated,” “I feel anxious.” Awareness is the first step.
Reframe gently. Ask: Is this about now—or touching on a past experience or unmet need?
Co-regulate with children. Regulate yourself first. Your calm presence teaches them emotional skills.
Honor needs and boundaries. Feeling deeply is a cue to care for yourself, set limits, or ask for support. Boundaries are part of healthy emotional regulation.
Practice small moments. Everyday events—spilled milk, a missed bus (how do you react?)—are chances to model calm, compassionate responses.
Respond with compassion. Emotions tied to past wounds or unmet needs deserve kindness, not judgment. Offer yourself the support, patience, and care you wish you had and model the same for your child.
Bottom Line
Emotions are messages, not problems. By noticing, interpreting, and responding with care—while honoring needs and boundaries for ourselves and modeling healthy emotional skills for our kids—we can ride the waves instead of being swept away, building connection, resilience, and confidence for the whole family.
